Joolez Talk

Call me Bridget!

Good morning Ms. Jones!

Dramedy (drama/ comedy) in the morning. I stepped on the cat, lost balance, tried to hold onto something - unfortunately it was the "not-yet-fixed-to-the-wall" bookshelf that tumbled upon me, while simultaneously I fell into the "not-yet-organized" pile of stuff behind me. Cats screaming, myself screaming, and then trying to move my aching body out from under the shelf. Lots of bruises, ripped shirt, nobody there to help, took the poor, hurt cat to the vet, no time to get my bleeding foot fixed by a doctor. And where is Hollywood when you have a Bridget-Jones moment?  Next thing: get a vacation and fix all the "not-yet-fixed" stuff.

One of these days ...

One of these days

Today is one of these days where "the colleague" has an insatiable appetite for - wait for it: anything edible.

I wrote an email to the colleagues today that I brought in muffins and smoothies, and a plate of tomato mozzarella basil with balsamico and olive oil and a baguette. So whoever doesn't like sweet can have the latter. The big feast is scheduled for 3 pm.

Some of the colleagues who work part time or have to leave early today came together earlier and we had a nice little chat. "The colleague" had a muffin and some tomato mozzarella with baguette, then left for lunch and now came back from lunch and brought with her a pack of chocolate covered buttercookies which - by the time I wrote this - is now gone.

I still don't know if I should be jealous, in awe or disgusted.

I think I'll wait until afternoon to watch what else "the colleague" will devour and then make a decision.

Exploding bottles and tv's

Last nights thunderstorm got the better of the TV and now it's broken.  To add insult to injury a red wine bottle exploded in the kitchen, and of course the kitchen cabinets, walls, ceiling are all white. No wait, let me correct that: "WERE" white.

At least the sick kitty is eating again. Hopefully it'll stay that way. Renal failure really isn't much fun. We were worried sick, still are, but it seems he's on the up and up.

Knitted woolen hat (cap)

10 mins ago she left. Now she is back. She forgot her knitted woolen hat (cap).

Knitted woolen hat? July? Summer? 36 ° Celsius

Need I say more? Even if I did. I would be at a total loss for words. And believe me that is a thing that rarely happens to me.

Draft ... who? ... where? ...

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz

Now "she" is feeling a draft that I can't feel and wants it warmer ... I am REALLY trying to feel this draft, I actually WANT a draft, but no…….. not here … DARN!

Let's just all switch places and let those who want it colder sit under the "imaginary" draft, and everybody else can go in the middle where the building manager can actually make it warmer. Now wouldn't that be a great solution???

Scary ...

I just had THE most freakish encounter in my ENTIRE life, when I met "S" in the ladies room and instead of powdering her nose she took out her teeth and rinsed them ……

I will NEVER EVER complain of my asthma, being fat or sweating like a pig. All of this combined is not as scary as having to take out your teeth to rinse them, when you are my age.

Trouble

Corinne Bailey Rae is having Trouble Sleeping, I am having major trouble understanding, for example why:

• a mother who just had her first child is answering the question how she is with: "I am happy I already lost the first 9 kgs."

Well, there I was thinking that she would answer anything BUT that, because it's the first child! the first birth-experience! the baby is healthy! the baby is cute!  whatever! but: "I lost weight" ?? sorry, I just don't get that this is the first thing on her mind.

• everybody around me seems to be an expert on whatever ailment I just happen to have, when they never had any experience with it, and obviously seem to think that my doctors are idiots who just happen to have a doctor title for fun, or from Aruba, or whatever ...

People! If I wanted advise I would have asked for it. If I don't ask, any advice is unsolicited and nothing more than verbal spam. Make a note of it!
Get the idea: if minimal invasive surgery would have been possible, I would have gotten it, they don't cut open people just because it's fun! (I hope)
When the doctor tells me that inhaling and popping one salvia lozenge after the other isn't cutting it, and prescribes me antibiotics, then it is really necessary, because I rarely get antibiotics, as I am allergic to most. So shut up and mind your own business.

• a colleague thinks that loosing weight is the answer and cure to my allergies and asthma, and will make me a happy person

Just because she assumes that I must be unhappy because I am overweight (because she would be if she were).
Sweetie, I got news for you! Allergies and Asthma don't really care what your weight is. I am an extremely happy person, and I wouldn't be any more happy if I was not overweight anymore. Not that I object to loosing weight, just for the record.

Also, I haven't spent the last 45 years being overweight, it's only the last 14 years or so, minus an interruption of a year when I was back to normal weight.  I can assure you I was not happier, and I am not unhappy now. Happiness is NOT something that goes hand in hand with your weight. And if you really think that not being overweight makes you happier than me, then stop whining about

- your thin hair,
- the 2 kgs you gained,
- your stupid boyfriend who is a lazy bum who let's you do all the work , and has you paying for everything, just becasue he used to be married and has a son and ex-wife to support. And just a thought: if all you do is complain about him, maybe you ought to take a deeper look at your relationship and find out if you really want to be a part of it.  But that of course is my unsolicited advice.

And stop telling me how much you love my full hair and that I have such nice skin and that you absolutely adore my boyfriend who is always doing such nice things for me (for us as a couple in general). I tell you a secret: Men are more attracted by a woman who likes herself and loves to laugh and have fun,  than they are appalled by their weight. And if you are not happy with your boyfriend: get rid of him. That's more likely going to make you happier than loosing these 2 kgs.

Beat it! Scram!

Charlotte has left the building

Goodbye Charlotte.

Yesterday the ghost came home and took Charlotte out. According to him she looked really nasty. Well, I kind of got used to her. But you just can't keep her under a glass forever, I can see that.

And I wasn't fully prepared to let her set up home in my kitchen and I didn't want to buy a terrarium for her either. So: goodbye Charlotte, nice meeting you, and please don't come back.

Good Day Charlotte

There is a spider in my kitchen. Neither small or big enough for me to tolerate it. It has exactly that size of that grey area in between that totally freaks me out!

But I can't bring myself to kill it. If I were a spider, I wouldn't want to be killed either, if my only crime is that I walked into the wrong window to set up home in the wrong kitchen.

And believe me: my kitchen couldn't be more wrong. So I did the only reasonable thing. I took a glass and put her under it.

Now what do I do with Charlotte? Can't keep her under the glass forever. Besides, she was really sweet, and didn't run, even gave me enough time to decide on my least favorite glass.  And when I put it over her, she cringed and didn't move. I know she must be scared out of her wits. But what am I supposed to do with her now? I can't pick her up and throw her out of the window. She would just climb up there again. Besides, throwing spiders is hard, they always attach a safety thread  and just hang there.

I can't keep her here forever either. I wonder if she'll be ok under the glass until tomorrow when the ghost comes home and could take her out somewhere. Don't want him to kill her either. Sometimes he does that, claims it to be an accident when I start screaming.

Poor Charlotte. What are we gonna do with you. You shouldn't be here anyway. Winter is only a few degrees away.

It's all in the mascara, Sweetheart

.. that's about all the magic you need!

Yeah, rrright!

As we all (who have come of age) know, growing old has its nasty perks. One of them: grey / white hair. And since I really, really can't see anything graceful about grey hair when I am only in my mid-forties, of course I have it dyed (more like tinted) every 6-8 weeks.

On the bright side I still have lots and lots of hair (even in places where I really wish I didn't, but that might be information than you can handle) and it's growing strong! Meaning that after 6-8 weeks you can see about a 2 cm line of grey hair on top and on the sides. A well-meaning hairstylist and a like-minded cosmetician shared their "secret" with me and recommended, I use an old mascara on the sides, so it doesn't show as much. I should forget about the top of my head, as there are only few people who can actually look down on my head. So far so good.

So this morning I grabbed a mascara - which I never use on my lashes, as they are dark and long, so I am totally ok with them - and thought I'd finally found a use for it. Well ... Let me just put it that way: Don't try this at home, and definitely not outside of your home. It does NOT work, it looks stupid plus it might smear and makes your hair stick up and out.

I should have known that this is stupid. Both women who furnished me with this trade-secret are blonde. So I highly doubt they eber tried this themselves. Never heard of blonde mascara! Believe me when I say: the grey looks bad, yes it does, but the mascara thingy looks far worse!