Joolez Talk

Silent screams

"You again", the woman said to the cat. "What are you doing here?"
'You screamed," the cat said, "and I came as fast as I could". 
"But I screamed loudlessly" the woman said.
"I know" the cat replied "but I am a cat, and it's in my nature to be with you, when you need me. Even, and especially when you scream loudlessly". 
"I love you" the woman said to the cat.
"I know" the cat said with a smile.
"Now get out of my hair" the woman sighed.
"I can't ..." the cat replied.
"I know ... it's not in your nature" the woman finished the cat's sentence.
"Yes" the cat simply said "It's in my nature to be as close to you as I can get"

One of these days ...

I hate it when asthma gets the better of me, and interferes with my social life. 

It's hard enough with the people who know me and know that I am having these frequent attacks and know that it sounds terrible, and also feels terrible, but know that they can't do anything about it, they can't help me, and neither can I,  and therefore just let me "cough it out" and then continue our conversation as if nothing happened. 

But it's tough with people who don't know me. People who happen to sit next to me in in a movie theatre or a café and who then look at me with this big question in their eyes "what is that? are you contageous? stop coughing alright, you're ruining the film!"

I don't like telephoning for the same reasons. In fact, although I have like all kinds of telephone flat rates I hardly call anyone. And if I do I like keeping it extremely short, but you can't do that with people who don't know you. People who know me know that when I talk a lot I start coughing, people who don't know me think I am weird. 

I like the internet, where I can write, where the coughing neither disturbs a conversation nor bothers anyone, because nobody can hear or see it. 

Sometimes I wish all my life could happen just in writing ... never having to talk again. Of course I would still have asthma attacks, although not as many. 

Today is one of those days where I am not sure if I should make a certain phone call or not. 

People see my picture and have an idea about who I am, how I am and then they hear me coughing and all of a sudden I am this other person. The one who you need to pity. 

But I don't need any pity. I am who I am. And I have asthma. Unfortunately it belongs to me just the same as my arms and legs , my hair and my eyes, my lips, my ears ... I am made of all those things. 

Flirting from my window

He said: "Lets flirt"

He said: "I want to meet you in person, but I don't want to seem so eager, or imposing on your privacy"

She said: "Don't let yourself bee fooled by my photograph"

He said: "Call me"

She said: "I was tempted to call this morning, but then I thought it might be too early"

He said: "Glad you didn't call, I don't wake so early"

She thought: "Ouch. I won't call now"

But he never said when to call, and it wasn't flirting either. 

Once a window of opportunity closes it's hard to open it again. 

Today the winds of change are blowing hard against my window. Must close my windows soon.

On dating, men, cats and goldfish

Dating, especially men, is highly overrated due to hormonal influence and thus resulting romantic clouding of judgemental capabililties …

I therefore have resorted to dating my cats who-over the years-have shown a high threshold of tolerance and acceptance of my quirks and personality.

Having said that the only remaining cat left me in favor of nibbling on a late night snack. Where can you turn to when even the last cat left you?

Damn, I can’t even be a cat-lady for heavens sake! Tomorrow I am going to buy a goldfish in a bowl. The chances of him leaving are scarce. I assume.

A goldfish will provide stability and TLC. If that works out I am contemplating getting a second goldfish.The future is looking bright again.

The heart wants what the heart wants ...

If deleting the hearts desires were as easy as deleting pictures from the computer would we all walk around with a clean "heart"drive?

Hell hath no fury ...

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned. Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

(Wiliam Congreve *)

* No, contrary to common belief, it was NOT Shakespeare who coined this expression

Don't take your love away

I am looking for an inspiration

And I think I found it in your heart

It's the kind of thing you get when you're not looking 

It's the kind of thing you had from the start 

Put me on a ship that is sinking 

On a voyage to an untamed land 

Take away the freedoms I wanted 

I understand

Please, don't take your love away from me

Don't take your love away from me

(VAST- Don't take your love away)

One of these days ...

One of these days

Today is one of these days where "the colleague" has an insatiable appetite for - wait for it: anything edible.

I wrote an email to the colleagues today that I brought in muffins and smoothies, and a plate of tomato mozzarella basil with balsamico and olive oil and a baguette. So whoever doesn't like sweet can have the latter. The big feast is scheduled for 3 pm.

Some of the colleagues who work part time or have to leave early today came together earlier and we had a nice little chat. "The colleague" had a muffin and some tomato mozzarella with baguette, then left for lunch and now came back from lunch and brought with her a pack of chocolate covered buttercookies which - by the time I wrote this - is now gone.

I still don't know if I should be jealous, in awe or disgusted.

I think I'll wait until afternoon to watch what else "the colleague" will devour and then make a decision.

I'm walking

My new shoes and I are off to a mini-vacation at Lago di Garda. The parents have come yesterday and are taking care of the cats - God bless them - so we have taken the opportunity to get away for a few days.

Vodka-Strawberries and Champagne - Just a kiss

Here I am sitting in the dark, watching "A good year" and drinking champagne with frozen sugared Vodka-Strawberries. Wondering why it's always been the times of greatest sadness which linger on in our minds, never leaving us alone. And very often they also turn out to be our fondest memories.

Happiness and sadness often lie so close together that sometimes it seems they are intertwined and inseparable. And maybe happiness can only exist in places where there is great sadness. Making it all the worth while.

And so I am sitting here sipping on my cocktail, sweet and succulent, prickly and ice-cold refreshing going straight to my head. Like a kiss to my heart.

A kiss I once had. A kiss I have not forgotten. A kiss that ccan never be repeated. A kiss that filled me with great happiness, and sadness. A kiss that held great promise. A promise the "giver" of that kiss chose not to deliver.

But you can never take back a kiss. Once it's given it isn't yours to take back. And so I hold this kiss dear in my memory. With great happiness. With great sadness. Though it's only a kiss.

But one of those kisses that would receive an Oscar if they were on screen. A kiss that would go down in history for ever been known as "This Kiss". And yet it is mine. Forever.

Have some more sugared Vodka-Strawberries kissed by champagne. Like bubbles in my head.

Just a kiss.