Joolez Talk

One of these days ...

One of these days

Today is one of these days where "the colleague" has an insatiable appetite for - wait for it: anything edible.

I wrote an email to the colleagues today that I brought in muffins and smoothies, and a plate of tomato mozzarella basil with balsamico and olive oil and a baguette. So whoever doesn't like sweet can have the latter. The big feast is scheduled for 3 pm.

Some of the colleagues who work part time or have to leave early today came together earlier and we had a nice little chat. "The colleague" had a muffin and some tomato mozzarella with baguette, then left for lunch and now came back from lunch and brought with her a pack of chocolate covered buttercookies which - by the time I wrote this - is now gone.

I still don't know if I should be jealous, in awe or disgusted.

I think I'll wait until afternoon to watch what else "the colleague" will devour and then make a decision.

Is this for real?

Forgot my office ID, I realized when I arrived at the office at 6:50 am today. As coincidentally our working hours are monitored by means of this ID,  upon arrival I sent "the boss" an email telling him that tomorrow I need to register my hours of today manually.

So guess who called at 7:25 am - and I swear , I am ABSOLUTELY sure of this - to check if I am really physically in the office: "the boss" of course!

He was still sleep"drunk" - after all he left early yesterday, and the day before, I mean this can be very stressful! - and  kind of stammered what I was doing in the office so early.  Puleeeeeeeeaaaaaaazzzzzzzze! I could HEAR that he hadn't expected me to actually answer the phone and had no idea what to say or to explain why on earth he called. So the best he came up with is: why am I in the office early?

Honestly how do you answer a question like that?

Of course because I got shitloads to do, why else! I am NOT coming here because I feel alone, or don't like my home, or because the view is better or any of that. I am here to work!

Some people you just have to experience, they are beyond anything one could describe!

Actually ... inside I am laughing. The whole thing just tells me a lot more about his own attutude towards work. Maybe he oughta figure that one out!

Take me to the asylum. NOW!

I knew it might get worse ... eventually. But did it have to be so soon?
Now the colleague is eating. No wait, eating ... that is something civilized, something you won't HEAR  in the next office.
F***k I actually want to throw up!

Learn to eat and drink and do it quietly! IT is NOT, I repeat:  N - O - T  neccessary to moan when you exhale after drinking, and there is no need for NOT shutting your mouth when chewing. Take a real sip instead of these baby sips when you are an adult and take a small bite and shut your mouth. Not the other way around. You got it all wrong, don't you see?

And worst thing ... after lunch I can expect another round of this, but what's even worse: when the coffe comes with a straw. Who drinks coffee with a straw? Kids use straws, and it looks cute on them. But it looks completely stupid on grown men with COFFEE for cryin' out loud! It's not a strawberry daiquiry, it's coffee. A hot beverage.  Not even iced coffee. Now there a straw might actually make sense.

If he isn't shutting his mouth like right now I am going to do something I will regret immediately afterwards.

I really need to get on antidepressants again. I can't stay sane here any longer without it.

Bitch!

God, I am in a bad mood today!
I am one hell of a bitch, and I don't feel one tinsy bit bad about it.
I want to smack someone around, kick somebodies ass and most of all I want to be ALONE!

Instead I have to sit in that hellhole of an office surrounded by extremely-loud-coffe-slurping idiots.
They would probably be less of an idiot if they weren't EXTREMELY LOUD coffee-slurpers.

And here we go again, and of course all using plastic and paper cups. IN THE OFFICE for god's sake!
Get a mug already! What are you? Ten? First day at work?
No really. After 20 years of work they still couldn't manage to get themselves a coffe-mug?

I only just got here and already I want to leave!

I REALLY need a new job, or better even: keep the job, get different collagues.
How come that ever since I joined this madhouse of a department I HATE work?
I used to love work. I used to have fun with my colleagues. Not here though. I despise everything about them.

I think I am not just in a bad mood today. I believe this is symptomatic. I simply hate the people I am surrounded by.

Knitted woolen hat (cap)

10 mins ago she left. Now she is back. She forgot her knitted woolen hat (cap).

Knitted woolen hat? July? Summer? 36 ° Celsius

Need I say more? Even if I did. I would be at a total loss for words. And believe me that is a thing that rarely happens to me.

Draft ... who? ... where? ...

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz

Now "she" is feeling a draft that I can't feel and wants it warmer ... I am REALLY trying to feel this draft, I actually WANT a draft, but no…….. not here … DARN!

Let's just all switch places and let those who want it colder sit under the "imaginary" draft, and everybody else can go in the middle where the building manager can actually make it warmer. Now wouldn't that be a great solution???

Scary ...

I just had THE most freakish encounter in my ENTIRE life, when I met "S" in the ladies room and instead of powdering her nose she took out her teeth and rinsed them ……

I will NEVER EVER complain of my asthma, being fat or sweating like a pig. All of this combined is not as scary as having to take out your teeth to rinse them, when you are my age.

Stop complaining alright ...

What can you say to a person who has complained and even cried about the fact that the office seating chart placed "that person" in a space by the door, instead of next to the window, and with her whining, crying and wallowing "that person" achieved a new seating chart that placed "that person" next to the window and also gave "that person" two desks, because "that person" needs the space, whereas one of the other two colleagues of "that person" had to cram their stuff (2 scanners, one of which is huge) and two monitors on one desk and the person with the asthma who really needed to sit at the window for the sheer need of fresh air now sits at the door, while "that person" still complains of everything: it's too cold when the window is opened, the sun is blinding, so "that person" really needs to pull down the shades - while the person at the door hardly has any light, and dares to mention this to "that person" whose only response is: "I really need to take care of my eyes, they get inflamed easily."

And the best part really is, "that person" still thinks that the others are far better off.  Well, bitch, stop complaining already, if you really think you are worse off now, then why on earth did you not stick with the original plan?

Some people, really only think of themselves and even when they get all they wanted it's still like: There's a fly in the ointment!

Don't we all just loooooooove "that person" in our lives? I know, I do!

And my special treat this month: Starting next month I will not only share a small office space with "that person", but also with another person with whom I was seated before and really missed like a hole in the head, and on top of it next to me and opposite of me there are two heavy smokers seated, one of which also not only smells of the tobacco but also has some other olfactory problems, to put it nicely.

Even when I thought it couldn't get any worse, somebody still found a way to make my office life even more "hellish". Why don't you just just go ahead and poke a needle in my eye?

I am thinking of taking a spin in my washer tomorrow, mabye that'll straighten me out.

Living together in confined spaces

... sometimes makes people act weird. Just now when I got off the phone with another colleague (somebody I used to share an office with), my beloved colleague (sharing the office with me now) told me: "Please don't talk so loud. Ihr seid so temperamentvoll!"

Was I really loud? I didn't think so. Maybe I am just not realizing it.

Gawd! And that coming from the woman who just drove me up the wall with gnawing at her carrots diligently. One of the sounds that drives me crazy! So I guess with the next carrot I'll just let her know that I need quiet so I can concentrate. Why do I always think if I try to be liberal and just keep my mouth shut about the things that bother me, that others will do the same. Geez. This is going to be soooo much fun around here.

The window can't be opened any longer than 5 minutes then she'll put on a show about how freezing it is instead of just asking me to close the window. What's up with that? Just tell me it's cold and I'll close the damn window. No big deal. Save the theatrical performance for a more appreciative audience.

I just miss the good old times when I roomed together with my other colleagues. It was fun, it was great and if I left the window open for too long they would just tell me, and that's it. It's not like I am an idiot and I don't get the hints, or you have to perform for me. I like to think of myself as somebody you can talk to. I guess that's where I was wrong.

Alright, now I got if off my system and I am ok again. (I hope) Just needed to voice it and dump it somewhere.

Chatter

D: Have to go for lunch today with S. - shit, shit, shit, shit, shit
OK - had to get that off my chest. Though I am STILL not feeling better about it. If all goes well, and I don't end up hitting him or something, I'll come by between 1230 and 1300 to find out what you would like from "X" or wherever. I'll probably need a Schnapps

later ...

M: oh this chocolate is as heavenly as always ………. I am melting away! thank you so much for this piece of heaven you brought into my dull existence in the madhouse!unfortunately colleague has not realized I am eating chocolate or has chosen not to see or react to it. darn! and I also had the rest of the coke I got yesterday evening. I think she is starting to irgnore me :-( hmm, not much fun being bad if nobody is reacting. I guess next week I should start eating healthy again, maybe she'll notice and ask me about my change in eating habits …

D: You are going to drive her up the wall - and she's already half-way up, so watch it.