Joolez Talk

Yuck!

You really gotta love your cats to make it through a day when you are being woken up by the sound of a cat throwing up. To 3 hours later when you go outside in the wintergarden to hang up your fresh washed clothes and you step into something gooey (barefoot) and looking down you realize it's something a cat threw up. When another 5 hours late you just fed the cats and sat down in the living room to watch the Gilmore Girls and hear that "sound" again and jump up in horror only to find another cat threw up the food she just ate.

Nervous

I was so hoping that this week never ends. I was so hoping for a miracle. But tommorrow's the day. Hospital check-in. I can leave after that, but have to be back on sunday afternoon, surgery is scheduled for Monday. Stomach is acting up. Because I am nervous. Will keep my mind off by loading some more songs on my ipod. - Doesn't really help though. Was worth a try.

Tired

Took a bicycle ride into the city today for my appointment with the nutritionalist. Good meeting, she is super-nice, am confident to manage getting things into perspective again with her help. Not cheap though. Ah what the heck, am not spending money on eating out, so can spend it quite as well on professional help.

Took some pictures in the city, walked though bookstore, looking for something good to take to the hospital. Didn't buy anyrhing though. Am going back there tomorrow, as I have to go to the city again for CT.

On way back home took a stop at the apple-store. No, not more fruits. Talking about the other Apple. Bought - drumsnare - ipod!

Just finished loading enormous amount of music on it. Lilli (cat) got tired from watching. Sleeping in space betweeen keyboard and screen now. Makes me tired. Will go to bed any second now. Ghost took my car again. Asked if I need it tomorrow. Is taking it again. I only need garage opener so I can get my bicycle. Hopefully he won't forget. If he does, I'll take subway. Although prefer bicycle.

Friday's so close. Ghost took a vacation so he can spend all spare time at hospital with me. Am not sure if I really want that. Suppose I prefer being alone. Am a bit scared. That's a lie. I am outright freaked. Don't want to go. Want miracle cure. Now! - Shut up: go to bed. Sleep.

Clean

I calculated 2 hours to clean the apartment before the guests arrive and because I am smart and I know that the ghost gets grumpy when cleaning, I planned the cleaning to take place early, so we have some time to rest before the guests arrive. And my plan worked perfect. We are ready, the apartment is shiny and we have one and a half hours left to rest. Perfect!

It's not that our place is dirty. Just that we can live with minor flaws, which we don't neccessarily want to have our guests to live with. Like cartons, or small traces of cat litter. Everytime we get something from zooplus or amazon we leave out the cartons for a few days before tossing them, so the cats can play. They love cartons. And with four cats there is always some traces of cat-litter in the bathroom or the hallway. Hair on the sofa and such. We vacuum every day, but only once a day and the sofa gets a thorough cleaning once a week. But when guests are expected we like to do all that not too long before they arrive, because in just an eyes blink the cats manage to make it look like we never cleaned.

We don't usually make such a fuzz if it's people who have pets themselves, because those usually don't care, they know it from their pets. But with people who don't have pets I get a bit more thorough, I don't want to leave the impression that we don't clean. And I certainly don't want them to find cat hair on their clothes when they leave. Maybe I am bit exaggerating. I don't know. I just don't want to hear a comment about the cats. Especially since we have four. Four really make more "dirt" than 1. Especially with one long-haired. Now they are all sleeping, so there is no chance that the beauty of "fresh cleaned" will be destroyed soon. Now I am hungry. I haven't eaten yet. And it's already a quarter to 3 pm. I guess I have to wait until 4 pm.

Another easter-lamb cake

Doorbell rang again today and it was the neighbor with the broken arm, whose dog I have been walking. She brought an easter basket with colored eggs, a huge candy egg and a small easter-lamb cake.

One can't really say we don't have enough cake, eggs or candy. I am afraid that not even the two colleagues coming for a visit today will be able to handle that amount of cake!

Too close for comfort

... was my first thought when I woke up this morning, with all four cats pressed against me. One on the left side of my face, one on the right side, curled up in my arms that were stretched above my head. Third cat lying on my chest, fourth cat stretched over my legs cutting off my circulation.

I had heard the ghost leave for work around 4:45 am, but fell asleep immediately again. Poor thing having to work on Easter Sunday. He came in between shifts though for lunch, sleep and dinner before he had to leave for the second shift. He brought home some easter eggs, chocolate eggs and a lamb shaped cake and a traditional easter-cake with raisins. Now we have 4 cakes. Two of which are animal shaped. Who is supposed to eat all that?

Good thing a colleague sent me a mail today on my cellphone if it's ok to visit tomorrow. I told him to get here around 4 pm for coffee and cake. Luckily he is bringing along an old colleague of mine too. The gost will be home tomorrow too, so I don't have to stress my voice. And since these are two guys hopefully they'll eat lots of cake.

I had some minor cramps again today. But that might be just nervousness. I read up too much on the surgery on the internet today and I am a bit scared now. Especially with what they already told me at the hospital. They might take out my larynx and vocal chords completely during surgery instead of just parts - which is already bad enough. And the prospect of getting a tracheotomy doesn't sound really enticing either.

I guess with the date for surgery coming closer I am getting more and more nervous. I know that many people live without their larynx and vocal chords and that there are some ways to get out sounds through pressing air trough the esophagus. But it sounds terrible and you have to learn it. I know there is worse things in the world, but still, it's making me nervous. I have a hard time sleeping, I constantly think about all this. I guess I'll get the cats and see if they can purr me to sleep. That usually works fine. There is something about the monotony of that purring sound, the sweet smell of their soft and silky fur that puts me right to sleep.

Food for thought

Sans toi, les émotions d'aujourd'hui ne seraient que la peau morte des émotions d'autrefois. (Hipolito)

What were you thinking?

Mr. Bush? When you decided to invade Iraq? Haven't you got any idea of fundamentalist? After all you really should have! What were you thinking? That the Iraqi nation was waiting for you to march in and "free" them from their dictator? Applauding you to throw your moral, christian and whatever values at them? Maybe some people were happy. But were you out of your mind that day you made that decision? Have you not given the fact that these people have a different religion, different values, any thought? Did your common senses take a day off and went fishing that day you made that decision?

Did you not hear what the United Nations said? Did you not hear what the american people said, did you not hear what most of the world said? Do you hear your poor soldiers scream now? On your ranch in Texas, on your easter vacation? Do you at all see or hear any of the things that happen to PEOPLE? Soldiers are people, they are not THINGS!

I heard Colin Powell, on the news today, say that he did not expect things to turn out that bad. He is surprised that shiites and sunnites may even unite in their common attempt to fight back.

Where were you Mr. Bush, today, when some kidnappers got hold of one of your soldiers exclaiming they will smash his head, when another group claimed to have 30 hostages that they will happily mutilate and abuse. Good Lord, you had no idea what you were doing at all, and you still don't have. Those fundamentalists may not have your "power", tools, strategy, fine suits and weapons. But they have one thing that you don't have: their belief. Their belief that they will be rewarded in the afterlife, their will to do anything and everything that needs to be done. Their will to die for their believes no matter what. And they know this country. They know all the nooks and crannies and they are not afraid of anything or anyone. These people are different from you. Very different. And they hate you. They hate you and your nation more than you can imagine. And this is not some strategy board game. You are dealing with people here. Real people.

I am not a fan of Hussein, and I am certainly not a fan of barbaric and horrible measures taken to make it clear to you that these people want you out. But I am not a fan of you and your measures either. Do you even realize how similar you and your archenemy are?

I know, I am german, and therefore persona non grata, since our government decided not to follow you without asking questions, or in the way you expected us to. I don't claim to know more than you do. But I am really wondering if you know what you are doing. And I am certainly curious how you are expecting this to go on, better: to end.

I have the terrible feeling your rushing in head over heels might have been a little premature and not thoroughly planned through. And maybe you have made a terrible mistake. And of course neither a president like you, nor "God's greatest nation" could possible admit that.

There is many things about your country I like, and many things I don't. Just the same as I do in Germany. Because there really isn't anything that is perfect. But every so often I am really pissed off with you. And I dearly hope that you will come to your senses and my biggest wish is that this thing you have going on there will come to a good end. But you have no idea how mad I am sometimes with your arrogance and plain stupid decisions. Not that I really think our chancelor is such a superior "leader", but right now: I am happy to be german and to live here. And I am really curious if you still think that all your decision were so "right". Just take a look at the polls and read the newspaper when you get a chance, will you? And please try to make it a newspaper that doesn't only cover local politics. Make it one that covers world politics. If you can find something like that around there somewhere. And with a little luck it's not propaganda, censored or "colored", I am sure there must be some media out there that is stilll trying to be objective. I know: hard to find. But hopefully it still exists.

Now, if you please excuse me Mr. President, I have to go to bed and worry about myself, because all of the above really causes major stomach pains. Even if it's "none of my business". Good night.

Great Day!

This has to be the best day I had in a really long time. I got up early around 7 am. Later woke up the ghost so we could go shopping by 8 am before the crowds hit. So we did.

I got a bit dizzy around 10 am as I had no food or water all morning, but I bought a fruitjuice and we got a panini and I felt really good after that. So we continued shopping until 2 pm. We got a lot of cd's - well, I did, the ghost didn't get any - and some cheap dvd's for the ghost. We got some grass for the cats, photopaper and cartridges, cranberry juice, cat-litter and marshmallows.

When we came home the amazon package had arrived. A neighbor kept iit for us. It had my long awaited "le fabuleux destine d'Amélie Poulain" and some more dvd's and cd's. Tomorrow the ghost is working 18 hours so have plenty time to check out the cd's and the dvd's.

I made a gratin today which was really good and I managed to eat quite a lot, compared to the last days. As of yet: no stomach pains, no colic. I am feeling fine. So this is a great day. And tomorrow I hopefully manage to get some pictures of the crocus, pansies, tulips and hyacinthus I bought for the kicthen window sill.

My friend B. called today and let me "talk" to her daughter, that was cute. She is an adorable kid. It was lovely to hear from her. She is like the "oldest" friend I have. It's been like 20 years or so now. What a lovely day.

Lovers Menu

I have beem promising the ghost to get the "lovers menu" from our chinese take-out as soon as I feel ok to take in solid food again. So today we ordered it. It includes Krupuk, a selection of appetizers, 2 full meals and honey glazed bananas und lychees with almonds.

I ate 3 pieces of Krupuk, one appetizer, three spoons of the main dish and one piece banana and was more than stuffed. In fact I needed medication and a hot-water bottle immediatly. But: I didn't throw up and had only minor cramps. Not bad at all.

Very good day so far. And we watched Koyaanisqatsi. It's been a lovely day. Now I will go through my scrapbooks and photobooks and order my Cape Cod stuff from 1994. I am really keeping up with things, I am only 10 years behind. Cool, that means I am in my early 30's again! I like that!