Joolez Talk

Fahrenheit 9/11

What Time Magazine has to say about Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11"

Wings

There was a time, when I was a different person. I was this woman who loved to try new things, do things others would only dream about. A woman who would leave everything behind and go to a far away country. A far away continent even. A woman who had no fear leaving behind her old life and venture out of the smallness of this old life to start something new. A new life.

I was this person who loved doing things, going places, all by myself. I had no fear whatsoever and I loved meeting new people, places and cultures. I was this woman who had so much fun in her life, that woman who loved to laugh just for the sake of laughing.

I had wings. I could fly. I miss this woman.

There are few and little moments I meet this woman. Too few and too little. I want her back.

Happy Birthday Stacy

If things were they way they were supposed to be I'd be in LA right now hugging and kissing a friend whose birthday it is today. But things didn't work out that way. Instead I had the surgery and lost my voice and still have to go into surgery regarding my voice in June.

Therefore I can't even call him, but I can still write: Happy Birthday, Stacy!

I would have loved to see your face if I had showed up on your doorstep. I am probably the person you'd least expect.

Different worlds

just received an email in my inbox - one of the millions that are trying to sell you something - and here they wanted to sell me something for fathers day on June 20th. June 20th? Fathers Day was yesterday! Until I realized: Fathers Day in Germany and Fathers Day in the USA are not on the same day.

I wonder if Mothers Day was on the same day. Nobody tried to sell me something for that one. Which is weird, as Mothers Day is a lot more popular than Fathers Day, right?

Hot Cat

In October my two eldest cats will be 9 years old, and in all these years we have never had a real bad accident involving the cats. Well, that's changed now. Yesterday I made pasta with tomato sauce, and just the second I took the pasta pot off the stove, Piers jumped on the stove.

I have a ceran-stove and he landed on the field the pot was standing just a second ago with the field still being hot. I saw this out of the corner of my eye and started yelling and screaming, and he jumped right off. I dumped the pot in the sink, got an icecube as fast as I could ran after the cat and caught him. Since I wasn't sure with which leg he landed on the hot "plate" I rubbed all his paws with the icecube. Of course he didn't appreciate the effort.

It's wet. Which cat with a sane mind (even if your paws are burning) would voluntarily wet their paws. His face and squirming were telling me: "What are you thinking?" Turned out all his paws looked fine, none seemed to be burned. He probably got so scared by me screaming that he didn't have time to burn his paw(s).

The reason he jumped up on the stove was the grass I had put up on the window sill, approximately where the stove is. Just a bad karma day. Usually the cats are not allowed in the kitchen, and I rarely keep the grass by the stove. Well, nothing happend, thank god. Just a reminder why cats and kitchen don't go together well.

Somehow

this whole being sick (longterm) and being off-work, going from one hospital to the other-"thing" has not proven to be much fun. I can't believe I am still in so much pain. It's been 3 weeks now that I had surgery, but I am still in pain. And the much dreaded next surgery is coming up very soon. Somehow I am ata point right now, where I just can't take it any longer, I just want "away". And that I will be doing. I have filed for a rehabilitation with my healh insurance. I hope I am entitled for it, after having had all the surgeries and stuff. I tell you getting old is not much fun, when you get sick. I hope there is going to be more fun once I am fit again.

Just when

I thought everything was going well, something had to come up again. Why can't I just be alright?

My bloodtest was not well. It showed that there is a high count of dead cells and the numbmess of my stomach, and the infection of the wound also indicate that there is something going on that is not supposed to. My doctor is worried and we will have to observe this for a few more days and then I might have to go into the hospital again to be opened up. Right now I could sit down and cry. But that isn't going to help.

Condoleeza Rice

My condolences madam! I saw your interview with Sabine Christiansen on TV the other night. Lady, I didn't think I'd ever say that in these words: I have never seen anyone so full of shit! Do you even believe in what you are saying? I don't think so, because you did not sound like someone who believes in what (s)he is saying.

I don't believe everything our chancellor tells us, and I don't believe everything the rest of our government is trying to make us believe. I know that there is probably not ONE government in the whole world that is ever telling their people the whole truth. And that is a shame. And there probably isn't only ONE truth in the world, maybe truth is something that is multi-faceted. And looks different from different angles. But with everything I have heard, read and seen in the last couple of months what Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney, Powell, Rice ..... are trying to tell not only their own people but trying to make the rest of the world believe in, I have to say this is a very poor show you are laying on there guys. I know you can do better. But then again I have never seen any president as incompetent as Bush.

I am very sorry, I think it is high time you take your hat and make a smooth exit and leave the mess you got - not only - your contry in to somebody else who is either able to handle it or if not, you can at least try to "look good" when blaming this person that they did it all wrong. Isn't that what governments usually do? Blaming the ones that came before them and after them? That's no big surprise and nothing new.

A real surprise, even mind-boggling would be the idea that politicians - regardless of the party they belong to - would actually try to work together for the good of their countries, maybe even out of their countries. Instead of trying to "look good". I doubt I'll ever see that day.

But really, Ms. Rice, the way how you constantly tried to emphasize the "United States", "we", "the americans" only gave away the naked truth about the fact that the only thing you can do now is try to manage the amount of harm done and try to keep it to a minimum and try to make some good PR. Unfortunately it didn't really work out. Sometimes confessing to the truth is doing a better job in giving you clout and credibility instead of denying it. Maybe I live to see THAT day.

For the good of all people involved in this mess, and I am not talking politicians now, but those people who have to live the horrors every day. All Iraqui people, all soldiers of any country I hope that there is some way to keep the damage under control and maybe even find a solution and a good way out. That is what I really hope for. That the word "peace" really can live up to it's meaning.

Grand Prix d'Eurovision

After years and years of not watching this "spectacle" today I did. From beginning to end, because I really liked the german song. We finished 8th. Not great, not bad either.

What really struck me is that all former Yugoslavian states - despite the fact that just a couple of years ago they hit each other in the head and killed their neighbors - now had nothing better to do than to see to it that their neighbors now got as many points as possible. Now I am not saying that some of the songs weren't good, but watching the votes this hardly seemed to be the reason for the exceptionally good votes.

Same thing with other countries, it didn't amaze me to watch them to give the highest ratings to their immediate neighbors. Now why are they doing that?

Also watching some of the contestants and their weird attire, moves and "shows" made me wonder what this contest is about. Songs or which countries women know how to dress like a flake (to put it mildly). Poland was merely wearing a light touch of "nothingness", as far as I am concerned.

There were some good songs. I thought. Strangely those didn't really hit it off. Well, I am not surprised. This is not the first time that my taste is obviously completely different from the mainstream.

Some good talents. Namely the 16 year old gilr from Zypres and another 16 year old girl from some former yugoslavian republic ( I forgot which one). But most countries sent men. The winning song I found repulsive. It awfully reminded me of "Dschingis Khan". The name of the sond "Wild Dance" or something, and that was about the only thing they did. I have no memory of the song at all. I just remember it being terribly bad. Spain sent a Ricky Martin-copycat and strangely managed to finish 9th (or 10th - I believe).

Well, I just know I don't agree. Turkey for instance I thought was pretty good, but didn't get as high a rating as I expected. But they did get a good rating. No doubt about that. Ah, well. I still thin kthe ratings were not the way they should have been. But who cares. Not me, I am going to bed :-) Bon nuit et douce points pour le sofa.

Petty problems

there is so much going on in the world, horrible things, and we are witness to unspeakable actions, pictures and deeds. While all this makes me speechless - literally: I don't know what to say. But there are already so many people saying something wise and clever about it. So I guess I don't need to. Anything I would say would only reflect my helplessness, horror, fear and speechlessness.

So I am going to say something that is purely related to myself and my petty problems. My operation wounds got infected and now I am back in the cycle. Went to my doctor so she could try to clean it , which she did. I have to go back on Monday so she can have a look at it again. And we are already talking about the next upcoming surgery. The one I was originally scheduled for before the gallbladder one came up. I am already terrified to have to go into a hospital again and have another surgery. I dread the needle poking, the anaesthesia, the whole process is making me cringe even before it actually takes place. But unavoidably it will happen, and it'll be in approx. 2 weeks or so. I could pray for a miracle. But I know there ain't one.

Well, yes, those are my petty problems, despite the fact the whole world is in shock about the horrors in Irak. And honestly, if I am already so scared about a simple surgery, of which I know I will eventually wake up and in the future will be better off. Then I can not imagine the horror of somebody knowing that they are going to be killed any minute. I already fo psycho with the knowledge that eventualls some day I have to die, my terror attacks keep increasing and I am seriously thinking about seeing a doctor about it, because it's no longer something I can deal with alone. But death for me is something that I know we all have to go through eventually. But knowing that it is going to happen "now" and it's not going to be a natural death, and more so knowing that it is going to be by brutal force ... I can not even faintly imagine what this is doing to your mind.

With all what's going on in this unholy war, of which I have always been opposed of, I told you Mr. Bush, you have NO IDEA what you are getting into, and now others have to suffer for your stupid actions. That is just not fair. It's not fair what some Iraquis are doing, and it's not fair what it being doen to Iraqui prisoners. This whole thing has gotten out of hand. Big time. It's a huge screw-up. And only because some stupid president is NOT listening to his own people or the UN. And now what have we got. One big ugly mess. And I really don't know how this is ever going to be "cleaned up" properly. I can only repeat myself: I am speechless. I have stopped watching the news or reading the newspapers because I simply can't deal with it. It's too much for me. I can't take it. I can't look at the pictures or anything else anymore. I just can't.