there is so much going on in the world, horrible things, and we are witness to unspeakable actions, pictures and deeds. While all this makes me speechless - literally: I don't know what to say. But there are already so many people saying something wise and clever about it. So I guess I don't need to. Anything I would say would only reflect my helplessness, horror, fear and speechlessness.
So I am going to say something that is purely related to myself and my petty problems. My operation wounds got infected and now I am back in the cycle. Went to my doctor so she could try to clean it , which she did. I have to go back on Monday so she can have a look at it again. And we are already talking about the next upcoming surgery. The one I was originally scheduled for before the gallbladder one came up. I am already terrified to have to go into a hospital again and have another surgery. I dread the needle poking, the anaesthesia, the whole process is making me cringe even before it actually takes place. But unavoidably it will happen, and it'll be in approx. 2 weeks or so. I could pray for a miracle. But I know there ain't one.
Well, yes, those are my petty problems, despite the fact the whole world is in shock about the horrors in Irak. And honestly, if I am already so scared about a simple surgery, of which I know I will eventually wake up and in the future will be better off. Then I can not imagine the horror of somebody knowing that they are going to be killed any minute. I already fo psycho with the knowledge that eventualls some day I have to die, my terror attacks keep increasing and I am seriously thinking about seeing a doctor about it, because it's no longer something I can deal with alone. But death for me is something that I know we all have to go through eventually. But knowing that it is going to happen "now" and it's not going to be a natural death, and more so knowing that it is going to be by brutal force ... I can not even faintly imagine what this is doing to your mind.
With all what's going on in this unholy war, of which I have always been opposed of, I told you Mr. Bush, you have NO IDEA what you are getting into, and now others have to suffer for your stupid actions. That is just not fair. It's not fair what some Iraquis are doing, and it's not fair what it being doen to Iraqui prisoners. This whole thing has gotten out of hand. Big time. It's a huge screw-up. And only because some stupid president is NOT listening to his own people or the UN. And now what have we got. One big ugly mess. And I really don't know how this is ever going to be "cleaned up" properly. I can only repeat myself: I am speechless. I have stopped watching the news or reading the newspapers because I simply can't deal with it. It's too much for me. I can't take it. I can't look at the pictures or anything else anymore. I just can't.
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