I desperately need a guideline, a book, or something on "how to become a bitch".
I hate my new job, I absolutely despise it. My new colleagues, except for maybe 2or 3 people are absolutely unbearable. Especially colleague "B." On Monday I approached her about a subject with which I am supposed to help her. But she brushed me off by saying she had already finished the project.
Well, so be it.
On Tuesday my boss approached me asking me how far I've come with the project. So I told her that colleague "B." had already finished it, which threw her off, as same person had just been in her office complaining that she can't do this specific project, as she is head over heels buried in work. Duh? What?
So Tuesday night my boss called me at home telling me she had been talking to "B.", about me taking over the project, which lead to a "pleasant" surprise today, when "B." enthusiastically thanked me for helping her out by overtaking the project. This has been an absolutely backstabbing pleasant encounter. "B." was all sweet and friendly while I could literally feel her stabbing me multiple times. I must have been virtually bleeding to death judging from her "sweetness".
Holy shit. I have NEVER in my life worked in such an environment. I am not a young chick anymore but up to now I have been living in "Lala-Land" and working in a fairy-tale environment. Always nice colleagues, a nice climate, working, and joking and thus liking your job, so it never felt like work at all. Since you always felt you are "with friends". Now I feel like I constantly have to watch my back, best to have your back turned to the wall. Also I am almost paranoid by believing that "B." must definitely have been plotting something horrible. Some kind of hook, trap-device or whatever. In which I will definitely trip when taking over the project. I know I must absolutely make sure 200, 300% that everything I do is foolproof. I can't allow myself the slightest slip. That is horrible. Absolutely dreadful!
And I know that now I have to become a bitch like most of the new colleagues too and be somebody I never wanted to be. I already can't stand myself, just thinking of it. I know there is only three ways to deal with it: take it, leave it, or deal with it. Normally my preference would be: leave it. But the economy is in such a shitty state that I can only choose between: take it or deal with it. And therefore I rather "deal with it".
Which leads me to the conclusion, that I have to become one of "them" by becoming one of "them". Who cares if I can't stand my onwn sight in the mirror in the morning thereafter.
This night calls for Double-Martinis. Cheers.