... nothing good can last forever ....
Those are just two of a myriad of sayings that I could recite. But what for? Fact is: things have gotten pretty ugly and there is no sign - yet - when this will stop. I hate dealing with it, and I despise the way people are dealing with me and make me deal with them. It's not my world. It's not me. But out of neccessity I am playing along with it. But I must be allowed allow myself to express my disgust and anger for the whole situation.
I know I am not the only person in the universe whose life is in some ways thrown upside down, and I am by far not the person who is suffering the most of it. Honestly, I think I am still doing pretty well. Not financially anymore, but I guess that I should be able to live with. I have had times where I barely knew how to pay the bills and I managed. I know this time I also will. And it might even take a little while before the impact is going to hit me with it's complete force. And maybe by that time I have found a way how to make some money. Nevertheless it's a bit scary and I am not inclined to hide the fact that I am scared. I should not feel the need to hide this feeling, and I should not feel guilty when friends tell me that I am still a lot better off than they are.
Maybe I am. So what? Does that make my personal tragedy any less tragic for myself? Or is there any secret envy involved that makes other people want to "pay you back" for the fact that you used to be better off than they were? I don't think that I ever rubbed in anyones face. So there is no need for rubbing it in my face now either.
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