Love’s a mysterious thing. You can’t force it, neither can you take a raincheck on it. You can’t run after it, nor can you hide from it. Loving is always a one-way street. Being loved back is a gift and does not neccessarily follow love.
So you do the wise thing to do and leave it behind, go on with your life, and then out of the blue she has sneaked up on you, tapping on your shoulder from behind. She might pose as an innocent email waiting for you with a harmless message like “back again”. And all of a sudden she ist there flirting for your attention.
“Back again” she’s been saying for the last couple of days. And everytime I am looking at her, not knowing what to do with her. Every day she seems to be saying it a bit louder: “Back again”. Finally she decides she is not going to wait any longer and makes a call, posing as an unknow telephone number. “How do you do” she aks innocently . “What have you been up to lately - meaning the last 7 years of your life. “Let’s meet for coffee and get up on track again with each others lives.”
Panicking, you want to scream: “Go away”. But inside of you you know that won’t solve the problem. So calmly and rationally you say: “Right now I really haven’t got the time.” “That’s ok,” love replies “then silently I will persevere.” And you remember you always loved that about “love”, her way with words.
Inside you’re torn and confused. You want to scream: “I never forgot you, love.” Here you are “back again”. You want to run and hide, and then you remember ... the gentle words of rejection with a pinch of promise and a secret pledge. But all that‘s left is the rejection however gentle is has been. And there’s the taste of the stolen kisses that seemed so full of promise, that seemed to contradict the spoken words.
But we only hear what we want to hear and we only believe what we want to believe and only for that reason the memory of these kisses has stayed awake. And there is love - in disguise as an email - screaming in your face: “back again”. Just a coffee. Harmless, you’d think. Or maybe not?
But it’s not that easy there is more to it than meets the eye. Everything would start again. Only it would be more difficult now that all that time has passed and the cards have been dealt new. So maybe it’s not such a good idea to meet again. At least not at this point.
Too much has happened in the past years. But you wouldn’t know that, because you never wrote or called. You don’t know that only by a thread I am still here. You don’t know why my voice sounds so different from what you remember. And you don’t know abaout the recent events in my life. You weren’t around, and you haven’t exactly been interested. I am accrediting this to the fact that you didn’t think you’d be “back again”. But now you are.
Do you think you can continue where you left off, and where exactly is that? Or has solitude trapped you into calling? Wasn’t there anyone else to call? Why did it have to be me? What are we gonna be this time around? Friends? It worked once, because I let you. Because I had my hopes up high. I am not so sure it’ll work a second time.
No, I am not getting you out of my head. I doubt you were ever “out”. Most likely only covered up. Because I never thought there’d be a “back again” that was all it took. You’ve only been a dream. One I never dreamt anyway. Now you are “back again” and the stitches are pulling apart, oozing out is a mess not even I knew was there.
If only you knew. But maybe you do, and you just don’t want to know.
I’ve seen your picture. You hardly changed. My heart started jumping again. Had you been calling right now I would have come immediately. But you don’t know that. You don’t know that night is your ally. Day is my pal, he’s letting me forget the confusion. Night is singing sentimental songs of love, desire and confusion. And that you don’t know either. Otherwise you might have taken your chances. But who knows what means anything to you at all. Do you even know?
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