Musings

Why are we who we are?
How did we become who we are?
And are there things about us that never change?

Why am I asking myself these questions? I don't know. They are just there. In my head, on my mind. Maybe it's a midlife crisis, maybe it's just philosophical, maybe it's boredom, maybe it's just me.  Which brings me back to these questions.

There are things about me that have never changed, despite the fact that I have changed. For example: I always resented a certain type of people. The ones with the stuck-up noses, stick-in-your-butt, look-at-me-I-am-super-rich-and-I-want-to-show-it-off kind of people. The ones who think they deserve the world, and poor people are only poor or homeless because they deserve it, actually prefer to be, or are just plain lazy. I don't want to debate that maybe there are people like that. But in general I don't think these are the reasons, and I certainly don't believe in the glorification of wealth and luxury and people who think because they are super rich, they are better people.  I don't deny that many people have worked very hard for their money, and they actually deserve it and should enjoy it. And it's not that I am not enjoying my own little "luxuries", or I am somebody who believes in shedding all my "riches" and be a better person.  I am not. I am not a good samaritan, or an idealist. I am certainly not a "better" person.

But some of my believes have never changed, and I think they probably never will. I am at an age where I believe I am fairly stabilized in what kind of person I am. I believe in sharing. Although I don't like being ordered to do so. I believe in being nice, despite the fact that I am not always a nice person. I believe in protecting children and animals, helping people. Still I am not sure if I really always do so.  People have criticized me for giving money or food to homeless people, beggars ...  for not looking or walking away when I found a dog or a cat or a crying child, for whom nobody seemed to care. It's not that I am constantly rushing to their rescue. I observe for a while if  maybe the parent(s) are just around the corner, or if the dog has only run ahead of its owner, or the owner is ahaead while the dog stayed back. I  try to find out if that cat I found has a tattoo, looks well fed and groomed, how it reacts to people and I certainly don't drag all cats and dogs home (well, apart from the ones I have at home that either I found or found me) .

I never liked wearing skirts and dresses, nor did I like formal attire. I was always a jeans,t-shirt and sneakers-type. I still am. I never liked red lipstick and red nail polish, I still don't. I never liked wearing the colors red and yellow, green I am not too crazy about either, and that hasn't changed too. I never liked mushrooms, I still don't.

But how did I get there? My family and friends don't take in stray aninmals. In fact they think I am crazy that I do. My family all love mushrooms, and I guess all my friends too. Nobody understands why I don't like jewelry, why I don't like to shop, why I am not the least interested in shoes, especially not the ones like Manolo Blahnik (Jimmy Choo, or whatever their names are). I don't care for fashion and I don't decorate my apartment.  But never leave me in a book-store, a computer shop, a camera-shop or a fruit store. Especially not if I got some money on hand. I might end up buying a lot more than I actually planned to.  Where did I get that from? My parents and my sister are not really big on the reading. Computers and cameras don't interest them. They like shopping and jewelry.  So how come I am so different? Wouldn't  you think that your social  environment has a big influence on what (who) you become?  AT least that is what everybody tells you.

So how come I am so different from my family. How come I've always wanted to live in other countries, cities, do new things. Nobody in my family ever had that desire. In fact in threee years that I've lived in the States they never visited me there. And I was living in New York. I would have jumped upon the opportunity to visit family there and don't need to pay for a hotel. Have somebody show me the city.   I am also the only person in our family who wanted to visit our distant relatives in the States when I was younger. And I did. None of my family ever did.

So, how do we become who we are?
Why are we who we are?
And why do some things about us never change?