Goodbye Charlotte.
Yesterday the ghost came home and took Charlotte out. According to him she looked really nasty. Well, I kind of got used to her. But you just can't keep her under a glass forever, I can see that.
And I wasn't fully prepared to let her set up home in my kitchen and I didn't want to buy a terrarium for her either. So: goodbye Charlotte, nice meeting you, and please don't come back.
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There is a spider in my kitchen. Neither small or big enough for me to tolerate it. It has exactly that size of that grey area in between that totally freaks me out!
But I can't bring myself to kill it. If I were a spider, I wouldn't want to be killed either, if my only crime is that I walked into the wrong window to set up home in the wrong kitchen.
And believe me: my kitchen couldn't be more wrong. So I did the only reasonable thing. I took a glass and put her under it.
Now what do I do with Charlotte? Can't keep her under the glass forever. Besides, she was really sweet, and didn't run, even gave me enough time to decide on my least favorite glass. And when I put it over her, she cringed and didn't move. I know she must be scared out of her wits. But what am I supposed to do with her now? I can't pick her up and throw her out of the window. She would just climb up there again. Besides, throwing spiders is hard, they always attach a safety thread and just hang there.
I can't keep her here forever either. I wonder if she'll be ok under the glass until tomorrow when the ghost comes home and could take her out somewhere. Don't want him to kill her either. Sometimes he does that, claims it to be an accident when I start screaming.
Poor Charlotte. What are we gonna do with you. You shouldn't be here anyway. Winter is only a few degrees away.
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.. that's about all the magic you need!
Yeah, rrright!
As we all (who have come of age) know, growing old has its nasty perks. One of them: grey / white hair. And since I really, really can't see anything graceful about grey hair when I am only in my mid-forties, of course I have it dyed (more like tinted) every 6-8 weeks.
On the bright side I still have lots and lots of hair (even in places where I really wish I didn't, but that might be information than you can handle) and it's growing strong! Meaning that after 6-8 weeks you can see about a 2 cm line of grey hair on top and on the sides. A well-meaning hairstylist and a like-minded cosmetician shared their "secret" with me and recommended, I use an old mascara on the sides, so it doesn't show as much. I should forget about the top of my head, as there are only few people who can actually look down on my head. So far so good.
So this morning I grabbed a mascara - which I never use on my lashes, as they are dark and long, so I am totally ok with them - and thought I'd finally found a use for it. Well ... Let me just put it that way: Don't try this at home, and definitely not outside of your home. It does NOT work, it looks stupid plus it might smear and makes your hair stick up and out.
I should have known that this is stupid. Both women who furnished me with this trade-secret are blonde. So I highly doubt they eber tried this themselves. Never heard of blonde mascara! Believe me when I say: the grey looks bad, yes it does, but the mascara thingy looks far worse!
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What happens, when you insert "FAILURE" in Google and press "I'm feeling lucky" ?
I tried :-)
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Once again, big boss and lady-boss showing up in my office asking me if I have time for a brief talk to "wrap up" the "situation".
Oh can't they never schedule these things and let me know in advance so I can prepare? I hate this!
So big-boss, all cheery eyed and in a chatty mood sweettalking me how wonderful that the medical examination went so well and how delighted they are to have "me on board" again a 100%. And how I have to understand that when he got so "work-nazi" on me in March, that this is his job, the one he is being paid for by the company (to be a jerk?? really they do pay people for that. sounds delightful!), and not to be protective of me as a team member, and how there is so much pressure on him too to cut down on personnel blahblah bollocks ...
Well and he just doesn't want us to have hard feelings on either side, so we can go on working together as a good team, and leave all that crap behind.
So he asks lady-boss how she feels about it. And of course she is all sweet and happy (aren't we all just one happy family?) and how I have been such an asset especially in the last week holding down the fort when we had the shareholders meeting and when the operating figures where out and such. And of course that I am so willingly always offer my help when others are sick or prefer to have private engagements rather than staying in late for their work. But I aka "the idiot" of course will do. Surely no hard feelings on her side either. Once again, we are such a happy family here.
And then of course asking me if there is anything bothering me. Hell, yes, there is! But I just wish I could have prepared myself for this, so I can say it nicely and in proper words, instead of wanting to blurt out exactly how I feel in my anger. So all I could do was smile and cheekily ask back: "bothering? Oh well there's so much, where should I start." And of course they didn't take that seriously.
So in their world everything is back to normal and we are - and I can't stress this enough - a very happy family.
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Riding your bike to work in the morning can have a mind blowing effect on clarity about yourself. Maybe it's that "wind" thing breezing through your brain, when you go fast enough? However, while I was
now while all of this and a couple of unmentioned episodes were going on I realized that whatever deal I was making out of this innocent "back again"" mail, it's all in my mind. I am making this huge movie-drama-thingy out of it playing only in my head while it's only a mail. Simply announcing somebody who has been away is back. No biggie.
If only this bike-riding thing could solve all my other problems ... Seriously you would never see me taking the car / bus / subway / tram .... again.
Now I am curious. For tonight they forecasted hail and rain ... that'll be so much fun taking the bike in that kind of weather. Who cares, the ride's only 20-30 mins, and what would life be without it's little surprises. So surprise me ...
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now that you opened it, and you don't even know you did, and you couldn't have opened it if it hadn't been opened a crack already to begin with, now that it's opened I guess I have to deal with it one way or another.
I realize that it's not like you came storming back in "hello, here I am". No, it took you nearly 3 weeks to let me now. So I should know "back again" is really all there is. Nothing else implied. Everything I am reading into it is really my problem. Still . . .
I don't know if it's bad timing or perfect timing. But if there hadn't been this riff none of my current thoughts would have been able to butt in like this. It's not you, it's me. But it's also me who has to decide what to do about it.
And that "back again" is really, really a hard decision. I know that seeing you doesn't mean anything. We just might meet and nothing happens, the past will be the past and that will probably be it. But I will still know that something is wrong , otherwise none of what is going on in my mind would have happend.
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Love’s a mysterious thing. You can’t force it, neither can you take a raincheck on it. You can’t run after it, nor can you hide from it. Loving is always a one-way street. Being loved back is a gift and does not neccessarily follow love.
So you do the wise thing to do and leave it behind, go on with your life, and then out of the blue she has sneaked up on you, tapping on your shoulder from behind. She might pose as an innocent email waiting for you with a harmless message like “back again”. And all of a sudden she ist there flirting for your attention.
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