Joolez Talk

Life's lesson on crackers

They're not always what they're cracked up to be.
Plus: They're called "Crackers" for a reason, so no use in being all cracked up about cracked crackers.

Life's lesson on lemons

If life gives you lemons, just don't go and make lemonade.
Because that little squirt of fresh lemon juice that hits you in the eye when you squeeze those little suckers ... so NOT worth it. 

Instead, go and peel that vicious thing and make Limoncello instead!

Cheers!

Silent screams

"You again", the woman said to the cat. "What are you doing here?"
'You screamed," the cat said, "and I came as fast as I could". 
"But I screamed loudlessly" the woman said.
"I know" the cat replied "but I am a cat, and it's in my nature to be with you, when you need me. Even, and especially when you scream loudlessly". 
"I love you" the woman said to the cat.
"I know" the cat said with a smile.
"Now get out of my hair" the woman sighed.
"I can't ..." the cat replied.
"I know ... it's not in your nature" the woman finished the cat's sentence.
"Yes" the cat simply said "It's in my nature to be as close to you as I can get"

One of these days ...

I hate it when asthma gets the better of me, and interferes with my social life. 

It's hard enough with the people who know me and know that I am having these frequent attacks and know that it sounds terrible, and also feels terrible, but know that they can't do anything about it, they can't help me, and neither can I,  and therefore just let me "cough it out" and then continue our conversation as if nothing happened. 

But it's tough with people who don't know me. People who happen to sit next to me in in a movie theatre or a café and who then look at me with this big question in their eyes "What is that? Are you contageous? Stop coughing alright, you're ruining the film!"

I don't telephone for the same reasons. In fact, although I have a flat rate on my phone and 60 mins on my mobile, I hardly call anyone. And nobody calls me unless it's an emergency, all communication is usually written.

 

I barely have a voice, oftentimes none at all. Speaking is hard. Most of the time people do not understand me, unless they know me, and if I really HAVE to call somebody I keep it extremely short, but you can't do that with people who don't know you. They don't understand that you  just hang up because an asthma attack arrived and you can hardly breathe. People who know me know this and know I can only get out few words and sentences. People who don't know me think I am weird. The worst is to have to actually talk in a different language, it's kind of ok in person, but on the phone it's extremely hard and frustrating because they don't understand me and I can't waste time explaining why, because that cuts down on my actual speaking abilities. It's just my handicap, I can't change anything about it. So instead of calling, I write. 

I am thankful for the internet, where I can write, where the coughing neither disturbs a conversation nor bothers anyone, because nobody can hear or see it. 

Sometimes I wish all my life could happen just in writing ... never having to talk again. Of course I would still have asthma attacks, although not as many. 

Today is one of those days where I am not sure if I should make a certain phone call or not. 

People see my picture and have an idea about who I am, how I am and then they hear me coughing and all of a sudden I am this other person. The one who you need to pity. 

But I don't need any pity. I am who I am. And I have asthma. Unfortunately it belongs to me just the same as my arms and legs , my hair and my eyes, my lips, my ears ... I am made of all those things. 

Flirting from my window

He said: "Lets flirt"

He said: "I want to meet you in person, but I don't want to seem so eager, or imposing on your privacy"

She said: "Don't let yourself bee fooled by my photograph"

He said: "Call me"

She said: "I was tempted to call this morning, but then I thought it might be too early"

He said: "Glad you didn't call, I don't wake so early"

She thought: "Ouch. I won't call now"

But he never said when to call, and it wasn't flirting either. 

Once a window of opportunity closes it's hard to open it again. 

Today the winds of change are blowing hard against my window. Must close my windows soon.

On dating, men, cats and goldfish

Dating, especially men, is highly overrated due to hormonal influence and thus resulting romantic clouding of judgemental capabililties …

I therefore have resorted to dating my cats who-over the years-have shown a high threshold of tolerance and acceptance of my quirks and personality.

Having said that the only remaining cat left me in favor of nibbling on a late night snack. Where can you turn to when even the last cat left you?

Damn, I can’t even be a cat-lady for heavens sake! Tomorrow I am going to buy a goldfish in a bowl. The chances of him leaving are scarce. I assume.

A goldfish will provide stability and TLC. If that works out I am contemplating getting a second goldfish.The future is looking bright again.

The heart wants what the heart wants ...

If deleting the hearts desires were as easy as deleting pictures from the computer would we all walk around with a clean "heart"drive?

Hell hath no fury ...

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned. Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

(Wiliam Congreve *)

* No, contrary to common belief, it was NOT Shakespeare who coined this expression

Don't take your love away

I am looking for an inspiration

And I think I found it in your heart

It's the kind of thing you get when you're not looking 

It's the kind of thing you had from the start 

Put me on a ship that is sinking 

On a voyage to an untamed land 

Take away the freedoms I wanted 

I understand

Please, don't take your love away from me

Don't take your love away from me

(VAST- Don't take your love away)

One of these days ...

One of these days

Today is one of these days where "the colleague" has an insatiable appetite for - wait for it: anything edible.

I wrote an email to the colleagues today that I brought in muffins and smoothies, and a plate of tomato mozzarella basil with balsamico and olive oil and a baguette. So whoever doesn't like sweet can have the latter. The big feast is scheduled for 3 pm.

Some of the colleagues who work part time or have to leave early today came together earlier and we had a nice little chat. "The colleague" had a muffin and some tomato mozzarella with baguette, then left for lunch and now came back from lunch and brought with her a pack of chocolate covered buttercookies which - by the time I wrote this - is now gone.

I still don't know if I should be jealous, in awe or disgusted.

I think I'll wait until afternoon to watch what else "the colleague" will devour and then make a decision.