Joolez Talk

I am a camel and I live in a madhouse

wondering when it'll catch on. Can only be a matter of days.

Sharing my office with one person who recently had a nervous breakdown and now is back and demanding everything she can think of, and just about drives me up the wall with unsolicited comments about my nutritional habits and everything else, and another person who recently announced suicide plans - which luckily proved to be just an irrational panic reaction - and is not yet back in the office.

Much to my happiness, the above incidences always left me with the highly doubtful honor and glory to take over their duties and projects of which I have had no clue whatsoever and now leaves me with the even more questionable privilege of carrying out these tasks, and taking over most of their duties, as to not put too much pressure on their fragile mental state.

Well, it can only be a matter of time until somebody comes along and the last straw breaks the camel's back.  Me  of course being the camel. 

I need lots and lots of chocolate and pasta, and bananas for dersert, my serotonine level needs some uplifting.

Who said there was reason to laugh during work?

DD:Where's Jane?

MF: Dunno

DD: ... she's  gone AWOL MIA.

Aw, just forget it, get me some chocolate.

CK: Are you guys allowed to laugh during work?

MF: Naw, we clocked out for that. Now we have to clock in again. Bummer.

                                                         

Trust?

Once again, big boss and lady-boss showing up in my office asking me if I have time for a brief talk to "wrap up" the "situation".

Oh can't they never schedule these things and let me know in advance so I can prepare? I hate this!

So big-boss, all cheery eyed and in a chatty mood sweettalking me how wonderful that the medical examination went so well and how delighted they are to have "me on board" again a 100%. And how I have to understand that when he got so "work-nazi" on me in March, that this is his job, the one he is being paid for by the company (to be a jerk?? really they do pay people for that. sounds delightful!), and not to be protective of me as a team member, and how there is so much pressure on him too to cut down on personnel blahblah bollocks ...

Well and he just doesn't want us to have hard feelings on either side, so we can go on working together as a good team, and leave all that crap behind.

So he asks lady-boss how she feels about it. And of course she is all sweet and happy (aren't we all just one happy family?) and how I have been such an asset especially in the last week holding down the fort when we had the shareholders meeting and when the operating figures where out and such. And of course that I am so willingly always offer my help when others are sick or prefer to have private engagements rather than staying in late for their work. But I aka "the idiot" of course will do. Surely no hard feelings on her side either. Once again, we are such a happy family here.

And then of course asking me if there is anything bothering me. Hell, yes, there is! But I just wish I could have prepared myself for this, so I can say it nicely and in proper words, instead of wanting to blurt out exactly how I feel in my anger. So all I could do was smile and cheekily ask back: "bothering? Oh well there's so much, where should I start." And of course they didn't take that seriously.

So in their world everything is back to normal and we are - and I can't stress this enough - a very happy family.

Crapload of BS

sorry. but that's exactly what I am thinking.

Yesterday's been an "experience"! Around 4 pm I am being told that we have to change a couple of pages in our intranet (61 to be exact, counted them today when I was generating them) that have to be offline until today 7:30 am.  It turned out to be more than just updating and changing, and with the crappy CMS we're using this is so akward to do. Unbelievable!

I am only the backup, usually somebody else does this. And that's her sole job, so for me it's on top of the usual workload.  Well, well. I am not complaining, sometimes it's even fun to do it.

In this case the "changing a couple of pages" turned out to involve making 16 pdf-files, working in 4 different excel sheets with major number crunching and some hefty formulas / equations and analysis behind it and also references to other tables and sheets, that it already took me some time to understand them. I had never worked in these tables before, but I had to make sure everything worked.  Needless to say I am an absolute failure in the math department, but somehow I seem to be doing not too shabby with excel tables. Additionally there was a powerpoint presentation involved and just a few graphs that had to be converted into gifs.

How to become a bitch

I desperately need a guideline, a book, or something on "how to become a bitch".

I hate my new job, I absolutely despise it. My new colleagues, except for maybe 2or 3 people are absolutely unbearable. Especially colleague "B." On Monday I approached her about a subject with which I am supposed to help her. But she brushed me off by saying she had already finished the project.
Well, so be it.

On Tuesday my boss approached me asking me how far I've come with the project. So I told her that colleague "B." had already finished it, which threw her off, as same person had just been in her office complaining that she can't do this specific project, as she is head over heels buried in work. Duh? What?

So Tuesday night my boss called me at home telling me she had been talking to "B.", about me taking over the project, which lead to a "pleasant" surprise today, when "B." enthusiastically thanked me for helping her out by overtaking the project. This has been an absolutely backstabbing pleasant encounter. "B." was all sweet and friendly while I could literally feel her stabbing me multiple times. I must have been virtually bleeding to death judging from her "sweetness".

Holy shit. I have NEVER in my life worked in such an environment. I am not a young chick anymore but up to now I have been living in "Lala-Land" and working in a fairy-tale environment. Always nice colleagues, a nice climate, working, and joking and thus liking your job, so it never felt like work at all. Since you always felt you are "with friends". Now I feel like I constantly have to watch my back, best to have your back turned to the wall. Also I am almost paranoid by believing that "B." must definitely have been plotting something horrible. Some kind of hook, trap-device or whatever. In which I will definitely trip when taking over the project. I know I must absolutely make sure 200, 300% that everything I do is foolproof. I can't allow myself the slightest slip. That is horrible. Absolutely dreadful!

And I know that now I have to become a bitch like most of the new colleagues too and be somebody I never wanted to be. I already can't stand myself, just thinking of it. I know there is only three ways to deal with it: take it, leave it, or deal with it. Normally my preference would be: leave it. But the economy is in such a shitty state that I can only choose between: take it or deal with it. And therefore I rather "deal with it".

Which leads me to the conclusion, that I have to become one of "them" by becoming one of "them". Who cares if I can't stand my onwn sight in the mirror in the morning thereafter.

This night calls for Double-Martinis. Cheers.

Where I spend most of my day

I spend most of the day at work, but I have never thought about taking a picture there. Although I realized there are so many nooks and crannies, that actually are very much picture-worthy. So one day when I had my camera with me I decided to give it a shot. Unfortunately it was already a bit late in the day (I didn't want to take pictures when everybody is around), so without the tripod most pictures came out a bit blurry, but some I still like.

One of theses days I will do this again and then take my tripod with me. Until then I am satisfied with what I got.

Moving

It's settled. I have to move. I have to be part of a "group" that isn't one to begin with and consists of a group of people who all like to work "alone", who want their separate offices and "quiet" - as in "no talking". I will be sharing an office with a woman I don't even know how to make smalltalk with and a guy who has lost his hearing due to a childrens disease he contracted as an adult. I don't know how to do sign language, so this will be an interesting experience. He can't hear, I can't talk (well, hopefully soon I can). Perfect match.

My field of work is going to be extremely dull and boring. I will bore myself to death and have to hang out with people I'd rather be caught dead with. Yeah ... I am very exciting. And sarcastic too.

New Horizon

only one I definitely don't want to look at. I need to find something else, something new, something that I want, that I really like. Times have changed and I need to realize that I don't love my job anymore. I need to find something else, preferably something very different. Unfortunately the things I most love to do wouldn't pay the rent.

Back to work

First day at the office after being absent for nearly 3 months (wheeew). First thing in the morning: slavedriver (SD) running around desk, still in bikers clothes, hugging and kissing me twice on cheeks. What a welcome! Cute colleague (CC) telling me to be happy to have me back and smiling. I feel good!

Bitter pill: Female boss wants me to move into other building into her office, so I can assist her. Which means: won't see SD anymore, and not be woking for him any longer, loosing CC and other dear colleagues, instead workig with dull and boring colleagus, one of which is a wheasel. Can't stand her. Only one nice colleague in other building, spunky american lady who is likewise bored with dull colleagues. What a drag!

CC and me have to convince SD that we need to stay together, so I am not stuck with wheasel and dull-heads and she doesn't have to put up with snotty and grumpy colleague. In desperate need of good reason other than he above to convince slave driver.

Prototype

that's what slave driver called me yesterday. the prototype for the ideal employee. I don't talk, I don't argue, I don't ask questions, I only work.

Hah! well, that was when I threw an apple at him. I may not talk and argue and ask questions, but my hearing is just fine and my throwing abilities improve!

well, slave-driver, whaddaysaynow?