that's how I feel.
I know a woman who is in love with a man who seems to have betrayed her more than once already. I am unclear about the exact nature of their relationship. According to her it's a relationship, according to him it's an attraction thing. But I don't know him personally and he stated that sometime last year.
I know in the meantime they have met again a couple of times, some of which she has been happy, some of which she has not. Now I read him flirting with another woman and by reading it it seems there is something going on between them. Now, I know it's none of my business. But I also know that my friend has just returned from a visit with him quite happily and confident about their joint future.
Now it's killing me if I should tell her or not. Maybe I am reading something into the flirty conversation that's not there, only because I know of his "history of infidelities". But I don't know him, I only know her. But maybe she is fooling herself and they don't really have a relationship but she only sees what she wants to see when she is with him. I know this, because I have done this before. Then of course he has every right in the world to flirt with whomever he wants, and far be it for me to say anything.
I don't know her all that much either, I am just beginning to getting to know her. I have tried to find out before just what kind of relationship it is they are having, but it's very unclear. But I also know that she has cried a couple of times when she thought he was "betraying" her again. She believes in this "relationship" however "real" or "wishful thinking" it is.
And I don't know should I tell or should I not. It's the teenager years all over again. It feels like it. Next thing I know I'll be passing notes "X likes Z" around.
There I am in my forties and thought the teens were all behind me only to realize they never end. You get older, you look older, you feel older, but the games we play never change. The rules of "love" "infatuation" are always the same.
If Ihad children, and they were about to experience their first heartsickness I'd never NEVER tell them that it's only their first lovesickness, and things are going to change and it will all be different when they grow older and they are still so young and it's not all that serious. I really would not. Because I realize it's not different, or maybe it is different, because "love" is really more intense when you are young. It's worse and it's a lot more "true". There is really no point why adults should belittle the lovesickness of teenagers. Instead they should pity us for having lost this intensity.
Living the teens and twens we really are more true and real then we will be later when we are consumed by the daily struggle of providing home and food to ourselves and our families.
And we let ourselves be governed by even older people who don't remember the causes they were fighting for when they were young, when they were not taken in by the greed for safety and personal gain. Is it any wonder how and why life has become so "dull"?
